Haunted by the past

The worst time for dwelling on things is when I’m trying to get to sleep at night. I try to relax, to relax the mind and body as best I can and hopefully drift off to sleep. Fat chance of that most nights. Instead my mind seems to – excuse the bad pun – have a mind of its own and takes the lack of physical activity as an excuse to dredge up anything and everything from the past…

It usually starts with my ex, fresh in the mind of course, and brings forth all those thoughts I’ve had of what I could/should have done differently. Then if I’m really lucky my mind delves into thoughts of Stefani from Germany, or Jenny from Sweden… and now we’re talking 15/16 years into the past. Yes, that is ridiculous I know.

I need to release my mind from the past, I know that… but how?

I’m reading a short book on Buddhist teachings given to me by a friend in San Diego. It’s called “Be free from where you are”, and its core message is to experience, enjoy and be “mindful” of only the present, that life is available only in the here and now. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come.

To paraphrase: There is only one moment for us to live – the present moment.

Which sounds bleeding obvious of course. But how do I do it? How do I stop these memories surfacing during my quietest moments? Find that secret, and I may finally be able to move on. Not only from my ex, but probably from many other things as well.

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