I’m really not sure if it’s the city or me. Three days in Cordoba and I’m out of here, not quite the week I had planned and paid rent in advance for. The city itself is pleasant enough though boasting few apparent attractions. The main square (which I’m sitting in now) is an open, paved and green oasis in the middle of a fairly visually bland city, the majority of the city’s main architectural attractions surrounding me at the moment. Though as just discovered minutes later (literally, hopped onto a city tour bus just after writing that last sentence) there are actually a couple of other pleasant plazas nearby. Not enough to transform this city into “amazing”, but certainly enough to while away a couple more hours on a lovely spring day.
Bu truth be told, I haven’t really enjoyed myself these past few days. And for the first time in my travelling life I’ve felt lonely. Now this is a big deal! I’ve travelled a lot over the past 20 years, some of it with partners, but the vast majority as a single man. And I’ve loved it. Having no one to answer to but myself, the freedom to go where I want when I want, do anything I choose – whether that be lie on a beach, climb a mountain, or get drunk and dance on tables.
And as a male traveller, of course there’s the sex. The freedom to have sex with whomever you choose. And single guy travelling who says he doesn’t rate that as one of the benefits of travelling along is lying. Maybe women feel the same way, I can’t speak from their perspective. But for the males of our species… yep, it’s right up there!
Only… only… I no longer get the same enjoyment from the chase. It used to be what I was good at. Great even. But now… it bores me a little to be honest. Not the actual sex of course, impossible. But the games you need to play, the rules you need to follow when meeting someone for the first time… it’s tiring…
So is it just the sexual aspect that’s affecting my joy of solo travel at the moment? Even as I write this, I glance at an absolutely stunning woman sitting nearby, and wonder how my experiences of Cordoba would be altered if we met and had sex. But am I really that shallow? Is it really sex alone that will determine my enjoyment of travelling alone?
I do sometimes worry. All my serious relationships seem to reach an end point when I am not quite ale to open myself up enough emotionally to really let them in. Perhaps I’m simply not capable of that depth of emotion…?